.......

How do I feel right now? Hurt, sad, scared. When I came home tonight from work, I didn't expect my Mom to start getting mad at me. She said a lot of hurtfull things that I wish that she never said, because now they are ringing in my head. I don't think she knows how much she hurts me; and I don't fully know how much I may hurt her, but I just wish that she wouldn't say those things. I mean, I don't mean to hurt her. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens, sometimes, most of the time, with out me even knowing it.
I just wish that she knew how sad I feel almost everyday with the words she puts in my head. I wish she knew how hurt I am all of the time because I just feel like no one loves me, that no one wants me.
I love my Mom so much, no matter what she says; but what she says puts me on edge. I don't want to go back to my Dad's. In fact I don't care if I never see him again, because he hurt me so much. I have so many things that I wish that I could talk to my Mom about, but she doesn't always listen. I mean, she listens, but she doesn't take it in as I would like her to. 
I love my Mom, but IDK; she just doesn't believe in me anymore. And if she does, she doens't tell me; but I wish that she would. I just wish that I could have one day where my Mom doesn't get mad at me for something. I just don't have the energy to fight back, and try and tell her my side or how I feel. I just let her get it out. I mean, every now and then I'll try to say something, but IDK.......
I want things to be ok with us, but it doesn't help when she pushes me too hard- and not even realizes it.
I love my Mom, and I hope that she loves me too; and I hope that things can turn out ok with us too. I've already lost my Dad. I don't want to lose my Mom and Denali too.