Christmas List

Well, I do have a list of things that I want even though I know I'm probably not going to get them all, I mine as well put some of the things on my Christmas list out there. Of course, this is like a journal too, so I may want some of these things for my birthday or just something that I can also buy myself when I have enough money saved.

Ok, so here's my list:

First at the top of the list right now is this jacket that I found. It looks really comfy and its a little stylish. And on top of that, it looks just like the jacket that Bella wears in Twilight. I want it. Here's a picture of the jacket and then a pic of the jacket in the movie (well it's on a poster, but still...).

Here's the website where you could buy the jacket...

http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Outerwear/Jacket+from+Twilight

And I wear probably a small or medium. LOL

Ok next on the list... well... would be a camera. I love taking pictures, and it just sucks that i don't have a camera now, cause I wanted to be able to take a picture of the snow and the other beautiful stuff that I see out my window everyday. And plus, I'd have better pictures to put on here instead of trying to use my webcam.....

That's pretty much all I want right now. Well, actually I need a gift card to like American Eagle or Abracombie or something cause I need more clothes. Jeans anyway....

Ok, so there's my Christmas List. And I have somewhat more personal Christmas list that I'll try to put up later today or tomorrow. It's not really a sort of Christmas list, but its just one thing that I told myself I would try to do this Christmas.

Ok, well gots to study for my English final. Yes, I'll tell you more about that when I get back. Laters...

Thankful

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas, it seems like the time of year where people are thankful for what they have. So here is what I am thankful for......
I am thankful for having my Mom and little sister Denali with me. I love them so much and will love them always. I will watch Denali grow and help her with her troubles when she starts to even have things that she would be worrying about. LOL. I love my Mom, and hope that by the time I'm 21 or something, we'll be a lot closer; and be friends.
I am thankful for the roof over my head, and the food that I eat. Which, speaking of food, I'm starting to get hungry. LOL.
I am thankful for the job that I have right now. I love working at the movie theater. I think that its the best first job, and I want to be able to keep it for as long as I can.
Those are the main things that I am thankful for. And I know that I've told myself, as well as my Mom, that I am going to change and become a better person. Everytime that I've said that, I haven't really followed through with it. I'm hoping that this month, I'll be able to do that. I am almost done with this class, and afterwards I am taking Math, then possibly Chemistry before I start the k-12 online program. The math might be easy, because there is no researching; there is just dealing with dimensions and numbers. The science might be a little hard though. Maybe I can just do that over summer. It would probably be a lot easier that way.
Over this month, I am hoping to get into a routine, where I do the dishes almost everyday (cause I don't do them really at all right now), keep my room clean (I need to get rid of a lot of stuff though; make room for other stuff), keep updating this blog, as well as my other blog as often as I can (meaning every other day if not everyday), I want to be able to have time to work on my story, but also to be able to have time to go outside; and like in my poem "Adventure in Autumn," find the perfect tree and sit and read.
That is what I am hoping to do during this month. It is a lot, but I'm hoping that after this English class is done, school will go a lot more smoother for me, and I'll be able to get more done. Everything right now sort of revolves around how quick I can do school, so wish me luck. And let's hope that I get a high B, if not an A in my English class (for my grade).
Thank you for listening, and I hope that you check out my other blog and read my poems. I hope to have more up after next Monday, but like I said before, it depends on school. Thanks again, and now back to school.

On A Role

So today was a very productive day. I woke up, did school, and got 2 1/2 assignments done. Tomorrow I might have the same number or maybe 3; depending on the assignments. I had dinner; macaronie and cheese. And the kind that I made, usually makes me sick, but today, I felt fine. I went to work and got everything set up in like 5 minutes, and then just waited to let people in. I just feel like I'm on a role today, or rather "felt" because the day is now over and I'm going to be heading off to bed pretty soon here. But gosh... I just want it to be like that everyday. It felt really good. I got to play with Denali for a little bit today. I mean, sometimes she comes in and I have to tell her to get out because I'm doing school, which I don't like to do, but.... I need to get it done. Tonight however, she came in my room when I was getting ready for work and she pretended to do her hair while I actually did mine. She also helped me with the macaroni, and while the noodles were cooking we danced in the kitchen for a little while. And my Mom didn't get mad at me today.
I just feel so happy right now, and I just wish that everyday could be like today; and maybe I can make it so. That is if I can be as productive as I was today, everyday. Though tomorrow, I'm going to try and get up to at least 2 or 3 assignments done tomorrow, and I also have to clean my room, cause it is such a mess.
I have 9 more assignments that I have to get done, which means that I could be taking my final next Monday, or even on Friday, if I could get more done a day. Now that is what happened today, let me tell you what happened yesterday, or rather a big something that happened yesterday......
My boss and I were taking out the trash and heading out to leave from work, when we saw the biggest bear. Well, it wasn't huge, but it was big, and it was just staring at my boss and I. It was just staring at us the whole time, while Tiff (my boss) was making some room so I could sit in her car. When Tiff started flashing her lights and stuff, that's when the bear finally went away, and we were able to put the trash in the dumpster. That was some bear, I'll tell ya.
Well, now that I've said that, I think that I'm going to head off to bed and wake up early to get somemore school work done. So, goodnight..... Oh and the moon just looks so awesome tonight. There was a halo around it. It looked so beautiful. Its just a shame that no camera would be able to get that kind of footage. Nothing taken from a camera is as beautiful as seeing it with your own eyes. I think that's a quote that I'm going to call my own- cause I haven't seen it anywhere, and it is a good quote if you ask me so.....:

"Nothing taken from a camera is as beautiful as seeing it with your own eyes."
-Kayla

Goodnight now..... and enjoy the beautiful moon and night sky. It really is a site to look at. Gorgeous.

.......

How do I feel right now? Hurt, sad, scared. When I came home tonight from work, I didn't expect my Mom to start getting mad at me. She said a lot of hurtfull things that I wish that she never said, because now they are ringing in my head. I don't think she knows how much she hurts me; and I don't fully know how much I may hurt her, but I just wish that she wouldn't say those things. I mean, I don't mean to hurt her. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens, sometimes, most of the time, with out me even knowing it.
I just wish that she knew how sad I feel almost everyday with the words she puts in my head. I wish she knew how hurt I am all of the time because I just feel like no one loves me, that no one wants me.
I love my Mom so much, no matter what she says; but what she says puts me on edge. I don't want to go back to my Dad's. In fact I don't care if I never see him again, because he hurt me so much. I have so many things that I wish that I could talk to my Mom about, but she doesn't always listen. I mean, she listens, but she doesn't take it in as I would like her to. 
I love my Mom, but IDK; she just doesn't believe in me anymore. And if she does, she doens't tell me; but I wish that she would. I just wish that I could have one day where my Mom doesn't get mad at me for something. I just don't have the energy to fight back, and try and tell her my side or how I feel. I just let her get it out. I mean, every now and then I'll try to say something, but IDK.......
I want things to be ok with us, but it doesn't help when she pushes me too hard- and not even realizes it.
I love my Mom, and I hope that she loves me too; and I hope that things can turn out ok with us too. I've already lost my Dad. I don't want to lose my Mom and Denali too.

Emo Susie, Uncle Matt & Olivia & Abigal

Well, today was like the best day. I got to see my Emo Susie, and my cousins Olivia and Abigal, and my Uncle Matt. I haven't seen them it what seems like forever. Though of course it kind of was forever because the last time I saw them was like 2 years ago. We didn't quite do much today. I mean we went to Barnes & Noble and looked at some books, of course, and stuff. Then we went to eat lunch, and then headed to the mall to let Denali and Olivia run around a little while Susie, Mom, and I talked and caught up and everything. It was really great. I miss them already. I was going to to try and see them next summer, if I was able to get a car, or save up enough money to go on a plane or something. But I think that I'd rather take a road trip. LOL, stop in Vegas or something on my way down there. It'd be fun, though might use a lot of gas/money on the way down there. I hope that I can see them soon. I'm just sort of bummed that I didn't get to see my Emo Chelsea and Tessa. I don't even remember the last time I saw them; but it has been a while.
Gosh, I just can't believe how fast Olivia has grown. She is just so big, and I've only seen pictures of Abigal, but she is getting big too. It's amazing how fast kids grow. Uncle Matt and Emo Susie were astonished at how fast I'm growing. All I could do was smile, LOL. I love them.
We took some pictures which Susie is going to send me so that I can post them both on this blog, and on my bulletin board. It just really sucked when they had to go, and when we had to go. I guess that goes to show that time sure flies when you're having a good time.
As for school, IDK if I'll be able to finish this English class in time, so I might have to take it with this new k through 12 program during the summer. The upside is that I'll have about a month and a half with no school. The downside, is that I'll be behind and I probably wont be able to graduate with my class. I'm just not up to doing more school over next summer, but what can I do? This class through WOLF is hard, and I just want to smack it. It's getting on my nerves, it really is. Anyway, I'm not going to like having to take classes over summer, but maybe if I'm lucky, and the classes through the new school program aren't as hard as WOLF, then I could possibly get through it a little faster. Who knows? That would be nice, I mean, the deadlines for the k-12 are just like going to the high school up here, but maybe if I understand most of it, I might be able to get ahead, and possibly work on my English class right before summer starts, so I could get done with it before summer is over and stuff.
And even if I have to do school over summer, I can still go visit my Emo Susie in Arizona because its all online. So all I'd have to do would be to bring my computer. Anyways, I think that I'm going to go, just because I would like to see how much I can get done before I go to bed, which believe me, will be soon because I'm just so tired. Everytime I go down to Reno, it just takes everything out of me, and I'm exhausted by the time I get back home.
So goodnight, and yes, I will try to post another poem soon. Its just hard getting the wording right. I want to be able to give the full meaning and make it sound beautiful, even though the watery slush of snow doesn't look or sound great. Goodnight, and best wishes to you all.

Thanksgiving

Ok, so yesterday was Thanksgiving, as all of you know; and my Mom made the best feast ever. She was cooking all day, which was torture because it smelled so good. I was just glad when we finally got eat, which was at like 3:45. Kind of early, I think, but IDK. Anyways, before dinner we all got dressed up for Christmas pictures, which I don't have, so I'm unfortunately unable to show you how great they turned out. Then we ate, and I was stuffed, so I waited a couple hours before having dessert. My Mom made some pumpkin pies too. Two of them in fact. Let's see..... She made a turkey, stuffing, potatoes, gravy, and yams. We had some apple cider to go with it. The turkey was delicious, and the potatoes was an experiment that my Mom was doing, and they are fantastic. I love them. They have sliced potatoes, thyme, butter, some sort of pepper seasoning (you'd have to ask my Mom), and some salt and pepper. It was so good. Yummm....
Anyways, it was a great thanksgiving. The only suckish part was that I had to do school while all of my friends got the day off. Upside, the food was great and I actually got some sleep last night.
When I woke up this morning, I felt refreshed and ready to get a lot of assignments done; but now I feel wiped out, stuffed, and ready to go to bed right now.
Did I mention that I finished my midterm, though it took two tries to get a good enough grade on it. The first try, I got an F, naturally; but the second time I got a C which is a lot better than a F. So how is school you ask? Well I'm supposed to be taking my final on Monday, but I still have, now 13 assignments to do before I get to that point. My term for this class doesn't actually end for 10 more days, but IDK... If I don't get everything done by Monday, there is a chance that I might be able to take my final sometime next week, and still be able to get everything done and have time to study. I'm just hoping, cause I really am not wanting to fail.
On my breaks, to clear my head an stuff, I read a book, talk to friends on facebook, and every now and then the phone, and that's pretty much it. Other times when I'm not doing school, I'm either sleeping or eating, or at work. So as you can see, this school is taking up my entire life right now. I just can't wait till next week when I can finally get this done.
Well, I'm going to go now, and try to get at least one more assignment done before I go to bed in an hour. Yes, I know that I'm going to bed early; but I need to change my sleeping pattern and that just tells you how tired I am. Usually I end up going to bed at like 1 or 2 in the morning. Sometimes even 3. So I'm trying to change that now. I don't want to end up getting sick because a lack of sleep. Getting sick is no fun.
So, goodbye, and I'll write updates of my life as soon as I can catch my breath.
Laters, and wish me luck on my final, and that I can get all of these assignments done to even take my final....

Proficiencies

Hello there. Well, this week I've been studying to take proficiency testing at the high school up here. Let's see..... yesterday I did the Math Proficiency, today I did the Writing and tomorrow I'm doing the Science. So I'm studying for that (science) so that I can pass that. I actually think that I did good on the math and writing proficiencies, but that's just a guess. The science one seems like its hard, but I'm still looking for a practice proficiency test to study from. This morning was a little crazy because I set my alarm for 5:45 this morning, and I was just so tired, 'cause I didn't even end up going to bed last night until like 11:00 because I was at work. Anyways, I set my alarm for 5:45 and I was tired so I just kept hitting the snooze button. I had to be at the school at 7:45, because that's when the test was. Guess what time I got out of bed this morning? At like 7:40. I look at my alarm clock and 7:40 is what it read. So right then I just became wide awake. I ran into my Mom's room and told her that we had to like light speed hurry, cause I was going to be late. I apparently scared my Mom and Denali from coming into the room so fast. So I got ready for school in like less than five mintues; getting warm clothes on, brushing my teeth, getting my purse and getting my shoes on and heading out the door. I didn't even have time to eat anything. I ended up getting at the school at like 7:50. Luckily testing was running a little behind because it took a while to set the chairs and tables up in the gym. After I found my seat, I just caught my breathe. Running up three sets of stairs is not easy. Yes, the high school is three stories, and the gym was on the third floor.
So there you go. I took my test, and then after I was done, I saw some of my friends before they we fnt to class, then I headed out of the school and headed down to the animal shelter: Pet Network Animal Friends, which is right next door to the high school. I waited there until my friends were leaving the school for lunch and hung out with my friend Megan during lunch.
After lunch I asked the office if I could have a pass so that I could go into Megan's sixth period class, which was ROTC. Anyway, I got the pass; cause you have to have a pass to walk around the school if you're not a student and stuff. Anyways, I spend the remainder of the high school in the ROTC building. Then after school I hung out with my friend Megan. After hanging out with Megan, my Mom called cause it was getting dark, so I had to go home....blah, blah, blah,,etc.etc.etc.
And now I'm going to go to bed, so goodnight, and wish me luck on my Science Proficiency tomorrow. I'm really going to need it.

2012

Let's see.....
Yesterday I saw the movie 2012, and let me just tell you that it was so good. Granted it was sad....I cried. Of course because like most people, I tried to hold in my tears, cause I hate crying in front of people. Anyways, it was really good, and I suggest that everyone go see it. It is scary though, just because it seems so real because of the scientific data, etc. I love the ending though. I mean, I know that all endings are good, but this was a great ending; well not the very very end, but a little before the end. I am so getting it when it comes on dvd.
Ok, so I am SO EXCITED for New Moon to come on Friday. Just like 4 1/2 more days till it gets here. We're having a midnight showing at the theater on Thursday night, and I so want to go, but... I'm just guessing that we are going to be sold out that night, so I'm not going to even bother. I'll see it on Saturday or something. Plus I'll take a peak every now and then while I'm working. And then the week after New Moon gets here, I think that we're going to get The Blind Side, which I do get, because that movie looks really good, and I want to see it.
Denali, my little sister is learning how to draw her letters/numbers. I was helping her a little bit this morning. She had a hard time doing the letter "x," number "5," and she was actually able to pick up the number "8" faster than I thought. She is really smart, and I seriously think that she's going to be a singer or actress when she grows up with all of her singing and everything.
.....Ok, I'm going to go to bed now. I'm so wiped out. We had a lot of people come to the movie tonight, and my eyes are killing me, not to mention my back from cleaning and moving stuff around. But no worries... It shall heal...LOL.
Niters, and GO SEE THE MOVIE 2012. It's really good...... Hey, do you know what's going to happen in 2012? Cause I mean, I don't think that the world is going to end, but I do think that an event is going to happen that will change the world. Sort of like 9/11, but possibly a little bigger and more worldwide.

This Dream

Ok, so before I head off to bed, I just can't get this out of my mind. It bugs me so much just due to the fact that my Mom said that I can't see him anymore. Ryan, whom my Mom told me not to see anymore, for reasons I'm not going to say.... I keep having dreams about him. How crazy is that? I mean, anyone... does that mean anything? Cause if it does I'm not hearing the message.
I mean I miss him a lot, more than anyone can ever know, and want to be able to see him again. Its just.....IDK, what Mom says is what goes. Which I don't like by the way. I'm 17, going to be 18 next year. My Mom shouldn't be telling me who I can and cannot date. Its just not right.
But IDK, just thought that I might add this because sometimes when you let things out, you feel better and it goes away. So maybe that was what I was hoping. I miss him already, but dreaming about him now, just hurts. I guess that's why I've been so tired. Haven't been able to sleep at night.
Well, wish me luck tonight. I need the sleep.

By the way... I might be changing this playlist before December, just because with our Christmas tree already put up in the livingroom, and seeing snow today, I'm kind of getting into the Christams spirit already. I might put a Christmas background too, if I have the time.
Ok, leaving now. Goodnight....

First Snow

Ok, so when I woke up this morning, guess what I saw? Snow! That's right, snow. We probably got about 3 or 4 inches, but it looked like it was more than that. It looked so pretty. But it didn't last long, at least by my house. The sun came out and melted like all of the snow, except in higher in the mountains of course.  Everyone kept telling me that there was still snow outside, but I stayed inside all day again, so I didn't see anything other than what was outside the windows.
I started to write a poem about it, but I haven't gotten very far. When I do happen to finish it though it will be titled "December," only because it sort of talks about what happens in December; the snow, Christmas, so just watch out for that on my other blog "The Art of A Learning Writer." That's where I'll be writing all of my poems and my book updates, and by book updates, I simply mean how far I've gotten in writing my book. Though I'll sometimes add what book I'm reading, what its about, and if I really enjoy reading it, I might talk more about it.
Anyways, I'm tired again, so I'm going to bed; and then waking up in the morning to start working on school again. You know I've gotten about half of the assignments done? I have a total of 31 assignments to do (including my midterm, but not final), and now I have 18 more to go. Hopefully I'll be able to get it all done before Saturday, if I'm lucky. I still have a lot of reading ahead for me. And for a lot of upcoming assignments, I have to write a short play or make a playwright script out of the last chapter of Huckleberry Finn; which I'm not too excited to do, just because I haven't even read the book yet, and I'm supposed to do this assignment on the last chapter, which will just ruin the book for me.
It wold be nice if WOLF told me to read the book first or something before giving me this assignment, or having me do it on a book I've already been told to read like "To Kill A Mockingbird" or "Of Mice and Men" or even "Lord of the Flies." IDK, I just can't wait till I get into this new program.
Anyways, I think that I'm going to be off to bed now. So goodnight and sleep tight.